The Onion’s Summer 2022 Movie Preview


With the coronavirus pandemic pretend over and summer in full swing, Americans are headed back inside to the movie theaters where it’s nice and cool. The Onion highlights the most-anticipated films of summer 2022.

Bullet Train: Brad Pitt stars as one of five assassins on the same train in this thriller funded by the U.S. government as a cautionary tale against the dangers of efficient mass transit.

Marcel The Shell With Shoes On: Producers are confident they can capitalize on the success of the short that went viral just 12 years ago.

Nope: The new Jordan Peele flick offers white people the opportunity to misunderstand the point of his movies for a third time.

Thor: Love and Thunder: Natalie Portman returns to the MCU in this highly anticipated trailer for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

DC League Of Super-Pets: No, idiot, we’re just telling our parents that’s what we’re seeing when we sneak into Bullet Train.

Firestarter: This has been out for more than a month, so you know it sucks by now.

Elvis: The Baz Luhrmann film is already garnering praise for the amazing, authentic performance of Christopher Sommers as radio program director Horace Logan.

The Black Phone: This thought-provoking drama encourages audiences to rethink all their preconceived notions about fucked-up guys who kidnap children and imprison them in their basement.



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